Politics
AOC Shares Plan To Enact Socialism For Five Easy Payments Of $49.99

NEW YORK, NY—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, widely regarded as the world’s smartest socialist, has been working hard on her plan to bring socialism to the U.S. She has now launched a new website, where she will share that plan with her fans for the low, low price of five easy payments of $49.99.

“Do you want to make more money without having to work? Sure, we all do,” says Ocasio-Cortez in a video on the website. “I’ve unlocked the secrets of socialism, and I’m practically giving them away at a price that will easily pay for itself.”

The video also included testimonials from people saying how they’ve benefited from Ocasio-Cortez’s socialism. “I’m bringing in $5000 a month staying home and doing nothing,” said one man, “all thanks to the secrets of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's socialism!” The video did note that these people were paid actors, though.

People who send a payment to Ocasio-Cortez will get their very own socialism kit, which will have Ocasio-Cortez’s policy proposals (including an editable Green New Deal). It will also have a decoder ring to get Ocasio-Cortez’s secret messages just for socialists. And if you act now, the first one thousand socialists will get a free “Tax the Rich” tote bag.

The new socialism kit looks like it will be popular with Ocasio-Cortez’s fans, but it’s expected to face stiff competition from the similarly priced Crazy Bernie’s Easy Socialism Now.

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