WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a heroic protest at the Supreme Court, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez spent the better part of three hours sitting in an invisible police car with her wrists bound by invisible handcuffs, waiting to be taken to an invisible jail.
"After being threatened with an invisible gun, I was thrown on the ground by invisible police!" shouted Ocasio-Cortez as she flipped her hair for the camera. "They've kept me stuffed in this invisible squad car for hours, the fascists! When I get out of the invisible slammer, I'm going to make them pay - every last invisible one of them!"
Several members of Congress were reportedly arrested outside of the Supreme Court today, where they were protesting the court ruling that Congress had to actually show up for work. "It is absolutely heinous that the Supreme Court would ask us to like, make laws," said Representative Ilhan Omar. "We are far too busy leading protests about abortion to actually write any legislation on it. Ugh, why are these invisible handcuffs always so tight?"
Sources say Ms. Ocasio-Cortez has already obtained her first prison tattoo, which is invisible, and is subsisting well thus far on invisible prison food. She has reportedly kept herself in solitary confinement inside an invisible box, but she does come out to weep outside her own invisible prison cell if she thinks anyone with a camera is nearby.
At publishing time, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez has generously offered to donate her invisible handcuffs to be displayed in the Smithsonian in commemoration of her bravery.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.