WASHINGTON, D.C. — Marking an historic moment in our nation's history, brilliant lawmaker and shoelace combatant Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez boldly took the floor with a biting question for her fellow representatives.
"Why do we need a House Speaker if every one of us already has headphones?" Asked the esteemed representative from New York while holding her custom-engraved Airpods in the air.
The room fell silent as lawmakers from both sides of the aisle turned to listen to Ocasio-Cortez's wisdomly soliloquy as she described how the whole world surely receives piles of nice headphones in little gift bags from well-dressed lobbyists just like she does, begging the question: Why speakers?
After hearing the argument from Rep. Ocasio-Cortez, Georgia's Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene was seen staring at her own headphones, perplexed.
At publishing time, Ocasio-Cortez had died after being laughed at by Matt Gaetz.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
