Los Angeles Angels To Pay Joseph Gordon-Levitt $430 Million To Stand In Dugout And Flap His Arms Like An Angel For Next 12 Years
Christian Living · Mar 19, 2019 · BabylonBee.com

ANAHEIM, CA - The Los Angeles Angels, who are located in Anaheim and not Los Angeles, have agreed to pay actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt $430 million for the next twelve years.

As part of the contract, Gordon-Levitt will don an Angels uniform, stand in the dugout, and flap his arms whenever the Angels need a miracle, which should occur just about anytime the team needs to turn to the bullpen for help or end up facing a decent team in the postseason.

"This is our secret weapon," a spokesperson for the Angels' front office said. "Forget getting good players or worrying about building a bullpen that's worth anything when we're in a pinch. We'll just call on Gordon-Levitt to wave his arms around like a madman."

Sports analysts all agreed getting Gordon-Levitt on the record-high extension contract was the right move, recalling the season in the 1990s when Gordon-Levitt--then a child--assisted the team to clinch the pennant in a tense game against the Chicago White Sox.

After agreeing to the massive contract for Gordon-Levitt, the now-cash-strapped Angels were sadly forced to release Mike Trout.

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