U.S. — With investors pleasantly surprised that a crash has thus far been avoided and the market had rebounded in the wake of new trade tariffs, top analysts clarified that President Trump was only responsible for the stock market when it goes down.
Many experts had predicted a devastating market crash following the uncertainty caused by Trump's implementation of tariffs, leading advisors to remind the public that while the stock market's quick stabilization should not be attributed to Trump in any way, any potential crash most certainly should be.
"He only does the bad things," said economist and stock market analyst Richard Stevens. "It's always helpful to remember that if something good happens while Donald Trump is president, it's in spite of him. If something bad happens, it's totally his fault and he is solely responsible for it. Forever."
Officials in Washington agreed with the assessment. "It's an inarguable fact that Trump is only responsible for the market when it goes down," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "If things are going well and outperforming expectations, that can only be due to lingering effects from Joe Biden's tremendous leadership. Just keep that in your mind. Trump — bad. We're working hard to make sure the economy falls apart, but if we're successful, it'll be Trump's fault."
Analysts were quick to point out that this week's early non-Trump market recovery could potentially be followed by a Trump downturn.
At publishing time, Democrats also reminded the American people that if Trump's tariffs were successful, it would be because Barack Obama advocated for them in 2012.
Meet Juan. He came to this country with a dream to commit crime. This is his story.
