WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor's father.
The actor was reportedly reluctant to accept the invitation to appear at the press conference but sensed something deep within himself that made him feel compelled to be present.
"Search your feelings, Mark, you know it to be true," Trump said while extending his hand toward Hamill. "George Lucas never told you what happened to your father."
Hamill recoiled in fear, somehow knowing what was next. "He told me enough," he said. "He told me you're basically Hitler and that you're destroying democracy. We have to stop you."
"No. I am your father, Trump explained.
"No... no... that's not true," Hamill sobbed. "That's impossible!"
"It's true. It's a beautiful thing, maybe the best fatherhood in the history of families. Many people are saying it," Trump answered.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO!" the actor then shouted as members of the media looked on.
"This is a great opportunity, Mark," Trump continued as he adjusted his red power tie. "You can destroy the Left. The Democrats have foreseen this. Join me, and together we can make America great again as father and son."
Hamill was later seen fleeing the press conference and was unavailable for comment.
At publishing time, Trump also announced that he had ordered the United States military to destroy all copies of any Star Wars movies made after Return of the Jedi, a move that skyrocketed his popularity with Republicans and Democrats alike.
Every hour a racist loses hope, will you help the Southern Poverty Law Center to help a racist in need?
