RICHMOND, VA — In the wake of the Virginia Supreme Court striking down the commonwealth's redrawn voting map, Democrats proposed a new measure that just makes it illegal for Republicans to vote.
In lieu of further political maneuvers to suppress Republicans from having Congressional representation, the Democratic Party said it had decided to address the root cause of the problem.
"This is way easier," said Democratic Governor Abigail Spanberger. "We're tackling the real issue, which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all. There will be no more campaigning, no more counting ballots. That stuff is such a hassle anyway."
Republicans protested the new measure, claiming that voting is actually a constitutional right. "I really don't think you can do that," said local Republican voter Benjamin Downing. "Being able to vote is one of those things that's pretty set in stone, if I'm remembering correctly. I know they don't want us Republicans having any representation, but I'm pretty sure they have to at least let us mark a ballot."
Following the announcement, Virginia Democrats also notified the public that all Democratic candidates had been automatically elected by default.
At publishing time, Virginia Democrats had asked the state's Supreme Court if they could perhaps publicly execute all Republicans to prevent them from ever running for office.
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