U.S.—According to studies, Christians in America are extremely happy to live in a free country, and that pastors like James Coates and Artur Pawlowski are only getting arrested in far-off countries such as Canada.
"We are so blessed to have religious freedom in America," said Brad Winfrey, a local Christian. "Unfortunately, the far-off, backward country known as 'Canada' has been arresting pastors, and that's a real shame. Good thing that will never happen here."
The majority of American Christians report not really knowing where Canada is, or if it's even a real country. Some American Christians claim to have visited the strange land but have come back with conflicting reports on the strange customs and languages of the inhabitants.
"I can only conclude that Canada is a very backward and undeveloped country if they are putting pastors in jail," said Winfrey. "Maybe we should send some missionaries there or something. I'm just glad we'll never have to be concerned about all that in America!"