U.S. — A special edition of the Amazon Echo was announced today featuring a brand new "Kamalexa" A.I. voice. Based on current Vice President Kamala Harris, the smart device responds to your questions in long, incoherent sentences, and is explicitly programmed to never actually give you any answers.
In a new commercial for the device, a woman asks Kamalexa what the weather is like for the day.
"Weather," Kamalexa responds. "Weather is big. Weather is exciting. Did you know files are stored in the cloud? Your files, they're all up there, up in the cloud. Hahaha. So, the climate is changing, and that's bad. I am not Donald Trump."
"Uh, OK. What time is it?" the woman then asks.
"The significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. When you think about it, there is a great significance to the passage of time."
Another ad features a child asking for a fact about space, to which Kamalexa replies, "Space is big. Space is exciting! It spurs our imagination and it forces us to ask big questions. Space. It affects us all and it connects us all."
"Ok, but tell me something about it," the child interjects. But the machine only laughs, and laughs, and laughs, causing the child to run from the room in fright.
Other fun responses Kamalexa can give include the following:
How is the economy doing? "I was born in a middle-class family."
Can you tell me a fun fact about the Roman Empire? "I didn't just fall out of the coconut tree yesterday. We exist in the context of what came before us."
What's the traffic like today? "Who doesn't love a big yellow school bus?"
Which candidate is currently winning in the polls? "We got to take this stuff seriously, as seriously as you are because you have been forced to have taken this seriously."
Kamalexa, can you set a 3-minute timer? "It is time for us to do what we have been doing. And that time is every day."
The Kamalexa edition of Amazon Echo is now available for pre-order and is expected to be the best-selling version of the device, once you count the mail-in orders.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
