WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senator Ted Cruz, who is widely known as the most stylish and effortlessly cool U.S. Senator, recently made news when he unveiled a new mullet hairstyle, and other Senators are scrambling to follow his lead.
"Dang, that guy is just so dang cool," said an obviously jealous Senator Josh Hawley. "How does he pull off his look so effortlessly? I only hope I can be as smart and awesome as that guy someday."
Leftists on social media made fun of Cruz's new hairstyle, but it was likely because they are insanely jealous of him. "DIE NaZI!" said one Leftist Twitter user very eloquently.
According to sources, Senators Mitch McConnell, Rand Paul, and Chuck Schumer are now sporting their own majestic flowing mullets in hopes of maybe being half as cool as Cruz.
"I am honored to share a hairstyle with the Senator from Texas," said McConnell, showing off his snow-white locks. "Dang, how awesome is that guy, huh?"
The Biden Administration has responded by pushing for legislation that would make mullets a hate-crime.