WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of White House aides awoke Joe Biden from his slumber Thursday and reportedly encouraged him to play that fun "president" game again.
"Oh boy, is it time already?" a cheerful Biden said as he was helped out of bed by the White House nurse. "I think today I'll eat extra ice cream and make everything illegal."
An aide who had drawn the short straw was forced to remind Biden that the presidency is not a game and that Mr. Biden was, in fact, the leader of the free world.
"Sir, this is an important job. Everything is real. Please don't raise my taxes," said the unidentified White House aide.
Filled with glee, Biden responded, "I'm going to press all the buttons! Straight to the oval room, my boy!"
According to sources, the President began his day by signing several important documents placed before him by White House Chief of Staff Jeff Zients. After an hour he asked for his final score.
"Uh, 300 points," Zients said offhandedly.
At publishing time, Biden had a chance for double victory points for holding a press conference but ended up losing points when he went off teleprompter.
For those keeping score at home, the president's current point total stands at -237.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
