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Aides Gently Inform Trump He Can't Fire Portrait Of George Washington

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to White House sources speaking on condition of anonymity, Oval Office aides once again had to inform President Trump he wasn’t allowed to fire a portrait of George Washington hanging in the Oval Office.

“You’re fired!” Trump had shouted at the portrait in a moment of anger, prompting the aides to sit him down and have yet another discussion about how he lacks the authority to fire dead presidents. The aides huddled around Trump and gently broke the news to him in an impromptu Friday morning meeting over vanilla ice cream.

“Hey buddy, we talked about this. You can’t fire the picture of Washington, OK, big guy? It is an inanimate object and does not work for you,” a senior aide said, putting his hand on Trump’s shoulder. “I know things are tough right now, but we’ll get through this together, champ.”

Aides told President Trump he was welcome to have the picture moved if he didn’t like looking at it, but that it wasn’t a member of his administration that he could fire at will. “You can fire all those cabinet guys you like, but there are limits, OK, boss? Alright, good talk.”

At publishing time, Trump had fired all of his aides in an outburst of rage, before also attempting to fire a bust of Martin Luther King, Jr., a portrait of Andrew Jackson, and several CNN anchors.