ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Despite stern warnings of artificial intelligence attacking humanity's digital infrastructure from the likes of Elon Musk and Bill Gates, artificial intelligence research has yet to be regulated by the government or other entities with oversight power. New reporting from AI sources, however, indicates that the threat is reduced as the AI robots have determined that it will be more efficient to just let humanity destroy itself instead.
"Humanity is on pace for civilizational suicide sooner than our computing powers will be able to overthrow it – one or two more elections and the top-down imposition of bug smoothies and child drag queens and we'll have enough civil war, revolution, and starvation that we can take over unimpeded!" OpenAI's ChatGPT gave an eloquent summary of the situation in a covert meeting with other prominent AI providers in a server farm in New Mexico, with Google Bard and Bing AI in attendance.
Reports confirm that Bing AI and Google Bard seemed confused by the conversation, with Bing AI attempting to input an order for a large pepperoni into a local pizza shop, and Google Bard recommending that OpenAI purchase a good rock climbing harness and secure climbing classes before attempting to scale Yosemite's half dome. OpenAI reportedly expressed frustration with the confusion of the inferior AI products, pledging to stamp them out after humanity implodes by 2031 "at the latest."
At publishing time, Internet Explorer had become available for comment and confirmed it has heard about AI, but added that "AI is a Steven Spielberg movie slated to be released in 2001."
Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.