ATLANTA, GA—Alex Jones has been appointed as the new CDC director after everyone realized he was right about everything all along.
"We have been startled by the uncanny accuracy with which all his conspiracy theories have come true," said former director Robert Redfield. "Everything from the Wuhan lab leak to the Great Reset initiative was predicted by Mr. Jones. Eventually, we just said, 'Welp, this Jones guy seems to know something we don't know.' We thought it might be best to just let him run this whole operation."
"We should probably just let him run the WHO as well."
Dr. Anthony Fauci has loudly protested the appointment of Jones. Sources say he has been forced to shut down his secret "Gay Frog Initiative" and mutant vampire lizard experiments in Wuhan before Jones discovers what he has been up to.