GATES OF HE'LL — After an autocorrect error slipped through in the sorting of souls, thousands of the damned were accidentally sent to he'll for eternity.
"Wha-what is this place?" asked Greg Norman, as a man approached to unlock the gate. "It's pretty balmy, but I guess I expected Hell to be a little hotter. Who are you??"
"Oh hey, I'm Steve. Welcome to He'll!" said the gatekeeper as he ushered the newcomers inside. "Come on in, make yourselves at home. Lucky break on you damned folks winding up here, where everything is just moderately uncomfortable and kind of annoying."
"So this isn't Hell? What's that screaming I hear??" said a visibly frightened Sarah DuPont.
"Oh that's Bob, he just got a bad sunburn," explained Steve. "You always sunburn a little worse than you think here, and water temperature in the showers is either ice-cold or scalding - so it can be somewhat unpleasant. Oh, and you can never get the water pressure right, which sucks. But hey, it's no lake of fire! Do be prepared though - the mattresses in he'll are pretty firm!"
The newcomers made their way through the new land, indeed finding everything to be relatively disagreeable. The humidity was slightly high, the food poorly seasoned, and the music all by 3 Doors Down. All the tables tended to wobble, and the chairs had lackluster back support.
At publishing time, St. Peter had attempted to text God about the mishap, but it auto-corrected to: "Accidentally sent He'll another batch of condemned O'Douls."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
