BRASILIA — After a late-night ballot dump and several emergency court rulings, Joe Biden was declared the surprise winner of Brazil's presidential election, securing 81 million votes.
Brazilians were left in disbelief by the result as Joe Biden did not run for President of Brazil, wasn't on the ballot, and is probably dead.
"I don't want to come off as an election denier, but I can't help but feel like there's something fishy here," said local man Miguel Santos. "There were only two choices on the ballot, and neither one was Joe Biden. In the latest polls, Bolsonaro was leading by a comfortable margin and Biden had zero support, because he didn't run for President of Brazil. It's just a little hard to imagine that this is a legitimate result."
Biden has vehemently denied any foul play, stating that the elections in Brazil are completely secure. "I won fair and square, Jack! Or José, or whatever kind of names they have in Brazil," said Biden. "We beat Medicare, and now we've beaten Brazil. Tough guys, the Brazilians, but they always loved my smooth legs. Jiu Jitsu! I'm brushing up on my Spanish for the swearing in ceremony. See you soon, amigos!"
At publishing time, Brazilians who had questioned the election result were arrested and placed in solitary confinement.
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
