WASHINGTON, D.C. - Upset at being laid off under Joe Biden just like millions of other Americans, former Border Patrol horses stormed the Capitol building Friday shouting "Trump won!"
Tensions have risen in the horse community since the Border Patrol horses were fired. According to some studies, horse unemployment has risen some 900% since Biden took office, causing some analysts to believe this was a powder keg ready to blow. And sure enough, today, in the most significant political protest at the Capitol since January 6, the horses converged on the Capitol Building demanding that Trump be reinstated so they could get their jobs back.
"This has gone on long enough!" shouted the group's leader, Mr. Ed Hoofer. "We aren't going to sit around with long faces anymore. We're going to trot right in there and let Nancy Pelosi know that we're the glue that keeps this nation together! Down with Biden! Trump won! Trump won!"
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is calling the stampede "the worst travesty since 9/11," while Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has claimed she was already trampled to death by the horses.
One horse was seen galloping away with Nancy Pelosi's lectern, while another sat in her office and got his hoofprints all over her desk. Both have been charged with double ultimate extreme treason, the worst kind of treason.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
