Politics
Adam Schiff Nominated For Best Actor

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Adam Schiff has received a nod for his riveting performance in the Senate as the Academy nominated him for Best Actor in a Leading Role.

The Academy cited Schiff's dramatic rhetoric and ability to fake-cry while reading a well-rehearsed script.

"The way Schiff pretended to be really emotional about a phone call the president made was just heart-wrenching," said one anonymous Academy voter. "I think he's a shoo-in for the award."

Other factors included Schiff's ability to read clearly absurd lines without so much as cracking a smile or breaking character and his legendary ability to cause his eyes to pop out from his skull on command.

Pelosi was considered but her dentures fell out in the middle of her performance, hurting her chances.

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