NEW YORK, NY — While America still has a long way to go before being properly rife with diversity, equity, and inclusion in every part of society, today marks a big step in the right direction. In the name of progress, the new GTA game will let you run over hookers while playing as a female protagonist of color.
"Crushing the tattooed bodies of drug-addled hookers into alley walls with a stolen police car was once limited to chauvinistic males, but times have changed," said Sam Houser, CEO of Rockstar Games. "GTA VI now equitably forces players to run over a skanky bawd's lifeless body repeatedly as a female minority. Representation matters!"
The minority community is praising the publisher for taking strides in representing them while they virtually mow down civilians, burn down small businesses, and crash helicopters into hospitals.
"I feel seen after playing a Hispanic ex-con binge drinking, snorting coke, and murdering countless innocents in this beautifully progressive game," said local gamer Maria Lopez, "I teared up a little after I was able to rob a gas station and obliterate the Indian store owner and his wife with a double-barrel shottie. Such beautiful diversity!"
At publishing time, a new GTA VI game trailer had been released that progressively showed a female BIPOC player mowing down dozens of trans men and women with a grain combine.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
