LOS ANGELES, CA — Feeling inspired and motivated to compete with Ben Shapiro following his rap single hitting the top of the iTunes chart, Nicki Minaj has struck back by becoming Jewish and going on a speaking tour where she owns kids on college campuses.
With Shapiro shocking the world and hitting the hip-hop scene, popular rap artist Minaj turned the tables by venturing into Shapiro's territory, converting to Judaism, and embarking on a nationwide college speaking tour to destroy young liberal students with merciless facts.
"Turnabout is fair play, Benny Boy," Minaj said as she adjusted her wig before walking out onto the stage for a speech at UCLA. "You came out with a number 1 rap song? Well done. But what are you gonna do when I invade your turf and show everyone I can outdo you with FACTS and LOGIC?"
Minaj then proceeded to give a 45-minute monologue on the virtues of Western Civilization and its superiority to all other cultures before opening the floor for a Q&A session. "C'mon, y'all," Minaj said. "Step up, get in line, and prepare to get wrecked."
As the event drew to a close, dozens of bright, young college students had been soundly owned by Minaj's emotionless, fact-based refuting of their deeply held beliefs about religion, race, free speech, and gender theory. "It was a master class," said one observer. "Nicki's facts indeed had no regard for these snowflakes' feelings."
At publishing time, Minaj's new conservative podcast had rocketed to #1 on iTunes.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
