WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a brutal press conference this morning, courageous journalists asked hard-hitting questions of the incoming administration. In one particularly tense exchange, Press Secretary Jen Psaki was forced to reveal President Biden's favorite Disney Princess.
"Please, Miss Press Secretary, Please! Please!" asked CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins. "We need to know President Biden's favorite Disney princess! Is it Belle? Or maybe Jasmine?" she said while waving her hand and jumping up and down.
"Wow, what a fantastic question," responded Psaki. "I haven't asked the President that, so I will have to get back to you. Whoever it is, I'm sure his favorite is an empowered woman of color."
Undeterred, the press pool continued to follow up on the question, demanding a clearer answer.
"OK, fine," responded a slightly frustrated Psaki, "It's Moana. His favorite is Moana."
"NO IT'S NOT!!" came a muffled voice from behind the curtain that sounded a lot like Joe Biden. "My favorite is that one with all the hair! Rappatootie! Rattatatpunzle! Refunzle! Whatever her name is! Hey! Let go of me! Where are you taking me?"
There was the sound of a scuffle from behind the curtain and the voice faded away.
As the press conference resumed, journalists continued to grill the Press Secretary, asking further questions like:
- "Does President Biden prefer puppy kisses or kitty cuddles?"
- "Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
- "So... does President Biden like being President?"
- "Who is his favorite ninja turtle?"
- "Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?"
- "Can I go to the bathroom please? I’m sorry, MAY I go to the bathroom?"
Journalists everywhere have praised Biden's new press conferences as "A welcome return to civility and truth."
The New York Times also praised the press conference and ran a 12-page in-depth report on why Biden's choice of Moana as the best Disney princess is brilliant.