WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Inflation Reduction Act reportedly provides for additional funding to hire 140 million new IRS agents — one for every home in America.
"To save the climate from changing and murdering the earth, it's essential to have at least one highly-trained IRS auditor living in every American home," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "This will ensure every American pays his or her fair share. That is the only thing that will stop inflation, or um, climate change or whatever."
Agent Matthew, an IRS agent that has been following Victoria Smith around for the past three weeks has allotted a 38% tax increase for the single mother of three.
"You haven't reported your income from the jams and jellies you sold at last week's bake sale. Interesting," said Agent Matthew as he entered notes into an encrypted laptop.
Democrats say the army of tax collectors will help Americans remember they are always being watched and that every penny of value they produce or purchase will be taxed. "This must be done. To save the earth. Yeah, the earth." said Schumer.
Citizens are being warned not to resist the IRS agents as they take up residence in their homes as they are armed and dangerous.
IRS Director Axleporridge has promised that not a dime will be spent or saved without the IRS knowing about it. He has also confirmed that dimes will not exist very soon due to inflation.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
