As everyone can clearly see, the end of the world is right around the corner. As you take inventory of your life and possessions, you may want to start thinking about what you'll need when the inevitable downfall of American civilization arrives.
Thankfully, The Babylon Bee is here to provide a helpful list of everything a freedom-loving American should start hoarding before war engulfs the globe.
- Trump NFTs: There's a decent chance these will end up being treated as currency in the civilization to come.
- Axis & Allies Anniversary Edition: You're going to have a lot of time to play games in your underground bunker.
- Pre-censorship Dr. Seuss books: Remembering the way things once were will help you carry on.
- Copies of all your political rants from social media so you can tell everyone "I told you so!": Important.
- The Art of the Deal: It's important to save the foundational works of Western civilization so we can rebuild society from the ashes.
- Enough ammo to fend off billions of flesh-eating mutants: Just put it on your credit card.
- Pogs: All of the other pogs in the world will be destroyed — just think of the fortune you'll make having the only ones.
- COVID masks: To burn for warmth.
- Donald Trump's DNA: President Clone Trump will help us rebuild the biggest, most beautiful society anyone has ever seen, all protected by a big, beautiful Trump clone army.
Follow the list above, start gathering what you need, seal yourself up in your shelter, and you'll be totally fine!
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.