The Babylon Bee Presents: 9 Rules Of Gun Safety
Sponsored · May 11, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by:


Tired of killing people by accident because you're trying to show off your cool gun? We know how inconvenient that can be. That's why we are huge advocates of common-sense gun safety.

Be sure to follow these gun safety rules to the letter:

1) Never put your finger on the trigger: Are you crazy?! You could kill somebody!

2) Never point your gun at the Director of Photography when rehearsing a movie scene: (Alec Baldwin only)

3) Make sure the target has a name in red above them: If they're on your team you'll get kicked from the server for friendly fire.

4) Audibly say "pew" while shooting to warn others: PEW PEW PEW! 

5) Holding the gun sideways for maximum accuracy: It will also add +5 damage.

6) Never sneak up on people at the range and shout "HOOBAJOOBA!" while jumping out in front of the muzzle of their weapon: That's just rude! 

7) Spin the gun around with your finger like a cowboy when placing it in your holster: It will deter bad guys.

8) Never carry your gun across state lines: THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO!

9) Bring a second, smaller gun in case anyone tries to steal your regular gun: And possibly a third even smaller gun. For safety.


NOT SATIRE: With over 90,000 active listings, Armslist.com is America's number one firearms classifieds website! Browse your local area for amazing face-to-face deals, shop nationwide from our network of over 1300 FFL dealers, and sell your items in your local area! No sales fees, no nonsense!

Sign up now!


When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.