Brace yourselves, Star Wars fans! Your favorite franchise is going through yet another round of revisions to create new editions, but not in the way you may have expected. As part of its ongoing quest to turn Star Wars into a shining example of diversity and inclusion, Disney is going through all the films to insert important pronoun references.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of a few of the classic Star Wars scenes Disney is changing to add pronouns:
"I'm Luke Skywalker, he/him, I'm here to rescue you!" — Rescue or not, there's always time for preferred pronouns.
"I... I killed them. I killed them all. And not just the men, he/him... but the women, she/her... and the children, they/them, too." — So much better with proper pronoun etiquette.
"You will go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, xe/xim, the Jedi Master who instructed me." — Like his species, Yoda's pronouns remain of mysterious origin.
"No... I am your father, he/him!" — It may seem self-explanatory on the surface, but you never know these days.
"Meesa called Jar Jar Binks, they/them, meesa your humble servants!" — This explains a lot.
"Do they/them have a code clearance? It's an older pronoun, sir, but it checks out." — Even the Dark Lord of the Sith draws the line at misgendering.
"Somehow... Palpatine, he/him, has returned." — Lazy writing can be improved by the helpful inclusion of pronouns.
"You can't win, Darth. If you misgender me, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." — We've all seen the consequences of daring to misgender anyone.
"May the Force, she/her, be with you." — You knew it was coming. The ultimate example of female empowerment.
And you all thought there wasn't any way to make Star Wars even better. Shame on you!
Bob Boeing, the founder of Boeing, explains how the number 1 priority for the airline manufacturer is diversity.