9 Books That Barely Missed Being Included In The Bible
Scripture · Jul 10, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Every author has felt the sting of rejection at some point or another — but imagine the pain of having the Holy Spirit deny your manuscript!

Due to recent archaeological advances, we at the Babylon Bee have recently discovered an entirely new stash of scrolls that almost -- but didn't quite -- make it into the Bible:

  1. 2 Kings 2 Furious: Sadly, 3 Kings: Jericho Drift also came up short.

  2. If I Did It, by Cain: Compelling, but failed to persuade the omniscient Creator of all.

  3. 2 Ruth: The Reckoning: More gleaning. More mothers-in-law. And much, much more Boaz.

  4. 3rd Samuel: The Rise Of Skywalker: Had high hopes, but ultimately cut for being unoriginal and terrible.

  5. How I Met Your Mother, by Abraham: Though not Bible material, did lead to a mini-series The Real Housewives of the Jordan River.

  6. The Shack: Almost made the cut before EVERYONE REALIZED IT WAS HERESY BURN IIIIITT!!

  7. 4 John: Other Things I Was Better At Than Peter: Oddly enough, Peter shot this one down at the Council of Jerusalem.

  8. 3 Corinthians: Paul's Instructions On Folding Fitted Sheets: Maybe not divinely inspired, but would have been super helpful.

  9. 2 Revelation: Electric Boogaloo: Just somehow could not quite sell the dance-apocalypse fusion vibe.


Some real contenders there, but no divine authorship! Sorry, folks.


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