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The emergence of a Canadian dictatorship is no laughing matter, even if it is Trudeau. The trauma in Canada serves as a stark reminder that even the politest nation can suddenly be turned on its head by a tyrant wearing blackface.
If Trudeau is coming for your bank account, consider these tips for keeping your money safe.
1) Convert all your money to Tim Horton's gift cards: This is now the most stable form of currency in Canada.
2) Hide it under something Trudeau can't move, like a 10-pound dumbbell: His max is only 7 pounds.
3) Write quotes from Thomas Sowell on all your cash so that when government agents take it, they'll read how detrimental wealth confiscation is to political and economic stability and give it right back: Can confirm that this works.
4) Put your money in a basket and send it down the Nile: The drawback here is your funds may be repossessed by Pharaoh's daughter. Or eaten by a crocodile.
5) Invest in a Hunter Biden Painting: Their value goes up every time President Biden tries to start a war! Neat!
6) Buy an NFT or something, maybe? Not sure what this is: NFTs are really cool, we are told. Can someone please explain?
7) Acquire more money by robbing a store in California: If Trudeau takes all your money, you can always loot a Walgreens in San Francisco and get more money. Crime is legal there for some reason.
8) Shut up and comply with all unlawful government mandates for the rest of your miserable life: The easiest path, buddy.
If you live in America, never fear! None of that will ever, EVER happen here. Not for a few weeks, at least.
NOT SATIRE: Did you know half of all US dollars were printed in the last two years? Now the Federal Reserve is warning about runaway inflation. Prices on all goods from food and toilet paper to wood and Ikea furniture are shooting up. Precious metals have been THE traditional safe haven during turbulent financial events.
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Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.