8 Fun Uses For Your Masks Now That Mandates Are Lifted
Sponsored · Mar 8, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by:


Masks were always useless against COVID-19, and now they're doubly useless because the pandemic is over all of a sudden. But your masks need not be useless any longer!

Check out these eight fun uses for your masks:

1) Toilet Paper: Might as well stockpile now. It's only a matter of time before the bombs start dropping and people run straight for the toilet paper.

2) Wardrobe For A Stage Production: You could make an awesome rocking technicolor dream coat out of random masks.

3) Impressing Girls By Pretending To Be A Doctor: Cosmopolitan says women are really into the Dr. Fauci look these days.

4) Train robbing: This is just to protect you from the hundreds of other train robbers. 

5) Gag gift for Secret Santa: Oh, aren't you so silly!

6) Fill With Treats For Hands-Free Snacking: We know you were already doing this anyway.

7) Making Ron DeSantis mad: Walk right up to Ron DeSantis and wear a mask... right in his face! That will really tick him off! 

8) To Wear On The Log Flume Ride To Protect You From... THE DROPLETS!: The horror! The horror!


NOT SATIRE: Even as mask mandates are beginning to wane, airlines are still requiring that travelers mask up. If just thinking about masking up for a multi-hour travel experience has you reaching for the Xanax, relax, UnMask has you covered.

We created the made in the USA UnMask out of two layers of the most breathable, ultralight materials that exist. The result is a mask that people can wear and breathe in all day without headaches, claustrophobia, or constantly fighting off anxiety attacks.

Legions of people that wear an UnMask refuse to wear anything else. Try an UnMask and you'll never wear anything else either. Each UnMask is proudly designed and made right here in the USA.

Try an UnMask and save 20% www.getunmask.com/pages/promo-bee - Use the code BEE20 at checkout.


Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.

Watch Santa's retirement announcement

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now