8 Fun Uses For Your Masks Now That Mandates Are Lifted
Sponsored · Mar 8, 2022

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Masks were always useless against COVID-19, and now they're doubly useless because the pandemic is over all of a sudden. But your masks need not be useless any longer!

Check out these eight fun uses for your masks:

1) Toilet Paper: Might as well stockpile now. It's only a matter of time before the bombs start dropping and people run straight for the toilet paper.

2) Wardrobe For A Stage Production: You could make an awesome rocking technicolor dream coat out of random masks.

3) Impressing Girls By Pretending To Be A Doctor: Cosmopolitan says women are really into the Dr. Fauci look these days.

4) Train robbing: This is just to protect you from the hundreds of other train robbers.

5) Gag gift for Secret Santa: Oh, aren't you so silly!

6) Fill With Treats For Hands-Free Snacking: We know you were already doing this anyway.

7) Making Ron DeSantis mad: Walk right up to Ron DeSantis and wear a mask... right in his face! That will really tick him off!

8) To Wear On The Log Flume Ride To Protect You From... THE DROPLETS!: The horror! The horror!


NOT SATIRE: Even as mask mandates are beginning to wane, airlines are still requiring that travelers mask up. If just thinking about masking up for a multi-hour travel experience has you reaching for the Xanax, relax, UnMask has you covered.

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Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.

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