8 Better Uses Of Your Time And Money Than Going To College
Sponsored · Nov 28, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by: Unbound

Higher education isn't quite what it once was. While college may have been, at one time, somewhere to spend tens of thousands of dollars for a once-in-a-lifetime experience and the educational growth needed to launch a successful career in adult life, it's now…something else. Is college still worth the time, effort, and expense?

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list to help students consider some much better uses of their time and money:

  1. Lighting a massive pile of cash on fire like the Joker in The Dark Knight: You'll spend roughly the same amount as a four-year college degree and send a message to boot.
  2. Spending $250,000 on a Hunter Biden painting: Put your money into something that will make things happen on a global level.
  3. Smashing your head into a door repeatedly: Much less expensive than college tuition, with the same result.
  4. Watching literally any video on YouTube: An hour on YouTube is the equivalent of an entire semester in a college course.
  5. Learning to hate Jews, Christians, white men, America, and Western culture, but doing it at home instead: Just like you would do while living on campus, but without all those pesky parking fines.
  6. Training to be in one of those events where you belly flop off the high dive: You could be TikTok famous!
  7. Plant your money in the ground and see if a money tree grows: This is more likely to bring you untold wealth than your average college degree.
  8. Completing a 5th-grade homeschool curriculum: This alone will put a student lightyears ahead of anyone at college.

Any of the options listed above can put a young student in a much more favorable position than someone attending Harvard. Pick any one you want and reach for the stars, kids!


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When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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