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In a few days, Americans across the nation will be slaving away in the kitchen, setting the table, and launching headlong into heated arguments with their blood relatives. But with many families tired of the same old political disagreements, new argument topics are sorely needed.
The Babylon Bee is here to solve this dilemma by offering up the following list of better things to argue about this Thanksgiving than politics:
Whether owning a Jaguar retroactively makes you gay: It may not even be the Jaguar owner's choice at this point.
Can the world recover from the Dodgers winning the World Series?: Many horrible things happened in the world in the last four years, but this may have been the worst.
Why finding out someone in your family liked Rogue One requires cutting them off: Uncle Greg can't be allowed to spread his wrongthink to the rest of the family.
Whether serving marshmallow jello salad should be classified as a felony: The fact that this is still being debated is a testament to America's tolerance of open discourse.
Anna Kendrick — hot or just "meh?": Opinions vary wildly.
Whether or not Die Hard is a Hannukah movie: The fact that it's a Christmas movie is settled science, but Hannukah? The jury is out.
How many perverse flavors can Oreo create before God pours out His wrath?: Even the Lord's patience is finite.
Is Joe Biden alive?: This isn't even about politics, people just need to know if he already died.
You can be assured that raising any of the topics listed above will result in a vicious argument that is completely devoid of any political discussion. Have more ideas? Let us know in the comments.
NOT SATIRE: While there are a lot of exciting promises being made for 2025, it's important our children learn not to put their trust in the government. Strong communities — starting with strong families — are essential to build a prosperous future.
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