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Brace yourselves — debate night is upon us! For some, a presidential debate is an exciting, can't-miss event. For others, gargling battery acid sounds more appealing. Regardless of which category you're in, making the best use of your time is important.
With that in mind, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following helpful list of better uses of your time than watching tonight's presidential debate:
Repeatedly jamming a fireplace poker into your eyes: This will consume some time and prevent you from ever seeing Kamala's laugh face again.
Starting an argument with your wife: This will also keep you occupied through Election Day.
Pulling all the lint from under your couch cushions and sculpting a bust of C.S. Lewis: It'll take a lot of lint, but think of the conversation starter it will be once that statue of Clive Staples Lewis is on your mantle.
Smacking your knee with a ball peen hammer for 90 minutes straight: Objectively less painful than hearing Kamala Harris speak.
Asking the Haitian migrant on the street corner what's for dinner: It's important to always try new forms of cuisine.
Taking last year's Christmas lights down: You'll need to have them taken down so you can start putting them up in a couple of months.
Watching a baseball game: No, seriously. That's what you should do.
Any one of the activities above will be a far more productive use of your time than watching the debate, and some of them may just change your life forever.
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Coming soon to Babylon Bee subscribers on October 11, 2024.
Watch the trailer here: