7 Awesome Church Name Ideas
Church · Jan 5, 2017 · BabylonBee.com

Maybe you're a church planter racking your brain for unique name ideas for your hip, new congregation.

Or maybe you're the pastor of an old, small church, and you're looking to relaunch the joint and spice things up a little.

Whatever the case, we've focused our years of expertise to come up with seven great name ideas that you're welcome to use for your church. The best part? We're giving these away completely free. You're welcome!

Any one of these names is guaranteed to lead to explosive church growth and many glorious accolades for your unique, authentic, raw creativity:

1.) Holy Grounds Coffee Shop & Tavern  - One of the best ways to get people in the door is to make sure no one knows you're actually a church. To that end, some of the most successful church plants in recent years have simply launched under the guise of a coffee shop, bar, or strip club, then secretly hit patrons with the gospel once it's too late.

2.) Journeylifevisionhope Community Church  - You want a really good buzzword at the front of your church's new name, as the Apostles taught. But if you want a surefire success, just combine all the buzzwords into one, and add a "community" in the title for good measure, so no one suspects you're associated with those stodgy Baptists or boring Methodists.

3.) The Burning Metal Foundry  - Another angle is to go for the super-manly name. Men won't come to church unless your name suggests rugged, grizzled macho manliness. A name like "The Burning Metal Foundry" hits all those buttons, and also might trick them into thinking they're going to a heavy metal show as a bonus.

4.) Jiffy Church: We'll Have You Out Of Here In Fifteen Minutes Or Less!  - Nobody wants to sit listening to a guy drone on and on for a whole twenty minutes. Pick a name like this if you want people to know your service will feel light, breezy, and fun, as gathering to worship the God of all creation should be.

5.) Any Greek Word At All + Fellowship  - Open up the nearest Greek lexicon to a random page, close your eyes, and point. Whatever word you're pointing at, that's the name of your new church. It conveys that you're knowledgeable about the language of the Bible and want everyone to know it. (Examples: Dunamis Fellowship, Kairos Fellowship, Eros Fellowship. A+ names, all of them.)

6.) Mars Hill Church  - This is an excellent name, and it has no prior baggage or negative associations whatsoever, as far as we can tell.

7.) The Church That's All About You  - You could tell your congregation "it's not about you," but really, who are you kidding? This name is awesome because it cuts right to the chase and lets people know you're not going to call them to selfless sacrifice for the sake of Christ. Rather, you're going to do back flips to make them happy, as it should be.

There are dozens of other great names that would work, but these are the seven most effective church names we could come up with (and we are experts, for the record).

If none of these strike your fancy, just remember the golden rule: any name that sounds "churchy" isn't right for your church. Ax the name of your denomination and pick less church-sounding words like "Gathering," "Place," and "Club." Put a little swag in that name, and your church will be the most hopping place in town in no time!


There are 6 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.