LOS ANGELES, CA — Tragedy has dealt the media and entertainment industries a devastating blow, as the death toll of journalists and celebrities continues to rise rapidly in the wake of losing their blue checks on Twitter.
"It's an apocalyptic scene," one eyewitness in Hollywood said. "The corpses are piling up left and right. Huge mounds of bodies on every street corner. Ever since Elon Musk started stripping away the blue checks of famous and important people like the monster he is, it's been nothing but carnage. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!"
Likewise, reports from the East Coast indicate news organizations are planning to dig mass graves to dispose of all the bodies of journalists who fell victim to having their blue checks removed. "Places like NBC News and The New York Times were hardest hit, as expected," one surviving reporter said under the condition of anonymity. "You should have seen the situation at Rockefeller Center. So many NBC journalists lying dead, the elevator doors couldn't close. They just kept opening and closing, bouncing against one reporter's lifeless corpse! Oh, the humanity!"
At publishing time, millions of the world's most beautiful, interesting, and influential people were still dying horrible deaths. Though the full extent of the disaster is not yet known, it is expected that the production of many films and television shows will be brought to a halt due to the sheer number of celebrities tragically losing their lives due to the sudden loss of their blue checks.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
