37-Year Old Man Pretty Sure He Missed His Calling To Serve On A Ticonderoga-Class Guided Missile Cruiser
Lifestyle · May 14, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

SAN DIEGO, CA — It was while looking out his conference room window upon the Naval fleet parked in the bay area that local man Daniel McCarty became certain he missed his calling to serve on a Ticonderoga-class guided missile cruiser.

Daniel was reportedly distracted from his meeting when he caught sight of some of America's finest aircraft carriers, cruisers, and destroyers in the ocean outside.

"I was planning on delivering our Q1 numbers to the board," said Daniel to reporters, "but now all I can think about is what have I done with my life and why I haven't signed up for four years to serve with 330 other men on a Ticonderoga-class cruiser."

McCarty's coworkers reportedly continued to discuss sales figures while McCarty was caught just staring at the sea.

"To the Sea, to the Sea," McCarty murmured. "The white gulls are crying, The wind is blowing, and the white foam is flying. West, west away, the round sun is falling. Grey ship, grey ship, do you hear them calling?"

"Uhhh, sure dude," replied one of the board members. "Can you please pull up the next slide in the presentation?"

"Hey guys," McCarty finally cried. "Did you know that a Ticonderoga-class cruiser has two Mark 26 missile launchers, two Mark 32 triple torpedo tubes, and a Mark 41 vertical launch system which can eliminate threats at land, sea, and air?"

"And it still has two 5" 62 caliber guns if you want to shoot stuff the old-fashioned way. Rad."

At publishing time, McCarty's coworkers had become annoyed as they couldn't get him to stop talking about the strengths of the Aegis Combat System.


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