DENTWOOD, IA — Sources at the Mannfred household confirmed Monday that 35-year-old Kurt Mannfred's stack of Christmas gifts was "virtually indistinguishable" from the sort of presents that would have been given to a 9-year-old boy.
"Star Wars toys, baseball stuff, a bunch of board games... it's unclear at this point whether these gifts were intended for the middle-aged father of 3 or one of his sons," said a reporter on the scene. "You'd expect a grown adult would have asked for tools, shaving supplies, socks, or the like - but no. It appears he still has the mindset of a small pre-adolescent child."
Some suspected Mannfred accidentally opened all the gifts intended for his 9-year-old son, but he briefly confirmed the toys, games, and action figures were exactly what he wanted before going off to build his new Lego Rivendell set.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
