Second Democratic Debate Turns Into Tense Minimum Wage Bidding War
Politics · Aug 1, 2019 ·

DETROIT, MI - The second night of CNN's Democratic debates was intended to be a substantive debate on policy but quickly descended into a tense minimum wage bidding war.

It began when Cory Booker suggested a $15 minimum wage and was immediately shouted down for being a Christian-sympathetic bigot. Other candidates started shouting higher and higher numbers, each trying to one-up everyone else.

The frantic CNN host quickly took on the role of auctioneer.

"$15, do I hear $15, $15! Fifteen dollars is the current bid, $20 do I hear $20... $20 to the woman in the white suit, $25, do I hear $25, thank you to the elderly man sniffing the woman in the white suit's hair, $25, $25 is the current bid," he began breathlessly as the bidding kicked off.

At one point Andrew Yang shouted out $1000, causing a gasp to be heard from the other bidders. He later clarified he was just saying everyone should get $1000, not putting in a bid of $1000/hour, but it was too late. Everyone continued the bidding from $1000, driving the bid well into the five-digit range within just a few minutes.

At the end of the intense bidding war, Joe Biden came out on top with a bid of $1.4 million per hour.

"Sold to the geriatric man giving a massage to the lady in pink, thank you sir!" the CNN host concluded. 

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!


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