So, you haven't been to church in a while, huh? We get it - dragging your family to Sunday services week after week ain't easy. If you're running out of excuses, here are 13 perfectly valid excuses that should cover you for at least a while!
1) The worship leader keeps singing in keys that are way too high for normal humans to sing in: How are you supposed to worship God in a too-high key? UGH!
2) You just, like, don't feel like you've been getting anything out of the sermons lately and stuff: This is entirely the pastor's fault.
3) The band is playing "Oceans" again this week: Please, make it stop!
4) You need to find socks and shoes for ALL your kids to wear: An impossible task before 9 AM.
5) There's a sermon series on sin and you don't need that kind of negativity in your life: You're probably not that much of a sinner anyway... probably.
6) Greeters: You're an introvert, yet the church still posts greeters at the door. This is abuse.
7) Those stale cut-in-half donuts are too tempting: Today isn't the day to ruin your 7-day keto streak.
8) COVID: That's still a thing, right? Yeah, COVID.
9) You got in a big argument with your spouse this morning and you're still mad: It may be too hard to fake a convincing smile to the greeters.
10) Your church started offering gluten-free communion options: And you're not into all that "woke" crap.
11) Some weird visitor was sitting in your pew last week: You just can't deal with that awkwardness again.
12) You listened to some worship music this morning and that pretty much counts as church: Church isn't a building, after all, right?
13) You're a Baptist and really hungover from last night: No one must know!
These completely legitimate excuses should cover you for a few months, at least! If none of these excuses work for you, you might as well just go.
Yeah, just go. Might as well.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.