Have you ever been tempted to glance at a barely dressed woman when you're at the gym? Stop it, weakling! Women everywhere are trying to get you to stare at them so they can shame you on TikTok. Don't let this happen to you!
Here are 10 life hacks to help you stop looking at those wily temptresses and work out in peace:
- Gouge out your eyeballs: A trusted biblical solution!
- Punish yourself for peeking by dropping a barbell on your own neck: It's hard to stare at girls with a crushed larynx.
- Picture every woman at the gym as Elizabeth Warren: Unless you have a thing for Elizabeth Warren. Then don't do that.
- Go to a jungle gym instead: No hot women, but you may have to fight an 8-year-old kid for the monkey bars.
- Do all your workouts facing the corner like you're in timeout: No one will think you're weird.
- Run for Congress and ban women's activewear: It's time to pass the Gym Decency Act!
- Wear women's activewear so the women stare at you instead: My eyes are up here, lady!
- Ask MrBeast to reverse the eye surgery he bought for you: Functional eyes will only get you in trouble.
- Become gay: Staring doesn't count if you're gay.
- Become a member at Beefcake All-Men's Gym down the road: Wait, this is a gay gym!
- Close your eyes while running on the treadmill: It will be fine.
- Just give up on all fitness goals: McDonald's is closer to your house than the gym is, anyway. MMmmm... McDonald's...
NOT SATIRE: You may not be able to look at women at the gym, but we have something you absolutely SHOULD look at: a prayer calendar that will help you pray for the persecuted church!
Christian Freedom International's Prayer Calendar will help you to see - and pray for - persecuted Christians.
This calendar with encouraging pictures and Bible verses will prompt you to pray daily.
Each picture is of persecuted Christians who were helped by Christian Freedom International.
Display it in your home, office, or gym!
It will remind you -- and others -- that there are practical ways we can help persecuted Christians.
"As a professor at a Christian university, I begin every class with prayer. CFI's prayer calendar reminds me daily to pray for our persecuted brothers and sisters around the world and to share their testimonies of courageous faith."
Request your Free Calendar here.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: