We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:
1. Ben Shapiro - Experience a human emotion for the first time.
2. Jordan Peterson - Eat fewer fruits and vegetables.
3. Candace Owens - Totally OWN 8 times as many socialists as she did in 2022.
4. Matt Walsh - Find someone who can explain to him what a woman is.
5. Steven Crowder - Find someone who can change his mind.
6. Dennis Prager - Kick his bad habit of smoking 2 cigars a day, and smoke 3 cigars a day instead.
7. Rush Limbaugh - Convince God to send him back down for at least the rest of the Biden years. Please, Lord...
8. Sean Hannity - Touch the hem of Trump's garment.
9. Mitt Romney - Oh, wait, sorry - this list was for conservatives.
10. Elon Musk - Cut back to only fathering 17 new children this year.
11. Tucker Carlson - Learn a new expression.
12. The Babylon Bee - Come up with a third joke.
Inspiring! What are your New Year's resolutions? Let us know in the comments!
NOT SATIRE: Message from Candace Owens, Co-Founder of the BLEXIT Foundation:
My goal is to empower and reach out to minority communities with our message of Faith, Family, and Freedom. The BLEXIT Foundation fosters patriotism in Black America, creates leaders in urban communities, and destroys the narrative of victimhood and dependence the media and public schools are FORCING down the throats of black Americans.
BLEXIT must raise $10,000 ASAP to fund our efforts in 2023. The BLEXIT community, young black leaders learning the ideas of liberty, and BLEXIT kids are counting on YOUR help to reach this goal... I'm counting on your help as well.
Don't hesitate.
Please take action by donating today. Let's transform our culture and save Black America from the sick victimhood narratives pushed by the media and public school systems.
Thank you,
Candace Owens
Co-Founder & President
BLEXIT Foundation
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.