As we swelter in the dog days of summer, even crotchety ol' Grandpa Silas is starting to wonder if there might be something to this "climate change" thing after all. Well, we here at The Babylon Bee dug into the research and - to our great shock - ended up discovering ten absolutely undeniable proofs that climate change is real. Read 'em and weep, climate denier!
- It is hot. - If you go outside and it's a bit toasty, you can't deny it any longer: the climate is changing.
- It is cold. - If you go outside and it's a bit nippy, you can't deny it any longer: the climate is changing.
- It is raining. - Rain is absolute proof of climate change.
- It is not raining. - A lack of rain is absolute proof of climate change.
- It's a pleasant day. - A nice day outside? In Minnesota? CLIMATE. CHANGE.
- It's not a pleasant day. - A not-so-nice day outside? In California? CLIMATE. CHANGE.
- It's snowing. - It has literally never snowed before cars were invented. Climate change!
- It's not snowing. - It has literally never not snowed before cars were invented. Climate change!
- It is summer. - When it's summer, it's hot, proving the climate is changing.
- It is winter. - When it's winter, it's cold, proving the climate is changing.
Was your mind changed? We hope so. Now give the government hundreds of billions of dollars to solve this problem, as they've done such a great job with everything else.
Babylon Bee subscriber Abrahamilton Lincoln contributed to this report.
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When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.