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Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency is still in the process of combing through the records of the Social Security Administration in search of potential fraud, but several red flags have already arisen — one of them being suspicious names on the rolls.
Through well-established insider connections at DOGE, The Babylon Bee has confirmed that the following names were found to be on the Social Security rolls:
Elvis Presley: The King has been dead for nearly a half-century… or has he?
Volodymyr Zelenskyy: DOGE reportedly has yet to find a pie this guy doesn't have a finger in.
Seymor Butts: Wait a minute... we're not sure this is a real name.
George Washington: He was a great American hero, but we're not sure he needs the Social Security check anymore.
Mitch McConnell: Considering he passed away in 2017, he should not be on the list.
Leeroy Jenkins: He never even existed.
John Lennon: Hogging the money from the surviving Beatles, just like the old days.
Barack Hussein Obama: This man isn't even eligible as he wasn't born in the United States and isn't a real citizen.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Clarification is needed on whether Force ghosts can legally cash Social Security checks.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: Everyone knows she died on January 6, 2021.
Who knows how long the people listed above — or fraudsters using their names — have been raking in taxpayer money? Who else have you heard is collecting Social Security? Post them in the comments below.
You Wish This Was Satire, But It's Not: The Gov't Just Claimed: Your Money Isn't Yours…You're reading this and thinking, "This can't be real." And yet, here we are. The Department of Justice just argued in court that your money isn't actually your money. Yes, you heard that right. According to them, your cash isn't "property" — so they can grab it whenever they want. This isn't a bad joke; it's the latest reality check from the government.
Imagine this: your savings, your retirement, everything you've worked for — poof, gone, just because the DOJ decided they want a slice of your pie. They've opened the door to legally freeze your bank accounts, swipe your retirement funds, and call it a "reallocation." Welcome to your new "freedom."
But before you start planning your escape to a remote island, there's good news: you don't have to sit back and let this happen. We've put together a free guide that reveals the exact strategies you can use to fortify your wealth — and keep it out of the government's grubby hands.
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
