As the Bible says, none is righteous, no, not one — especially when it comes to what you do in your wife's dreams. She has legitimate reasons to be mad at you for it, so don't you dare act like you don't know what you did! The only thing you can do now is apologize, pray she forgives you, and learn to never do it again.
With that said, here is The Babylon Bee's compilation of the most awful things you've done in your wife's dreams.
- You went and got coffee but you didn't get any coffee for her and you had octopus arms: You're such an inconsiderate cephalopod sometimes.
- You made out with her sister inside the claw machine at Chuck E. Cheese: In front of children? Really?
- You drank a Bud Light: Drinking woke beer? Really? What are you hiding from her?
- You ignored her all day and just looked at your phone while she was being robbed by hot pirates: Yes, the pirates were super hot, but put down your phone, you jerk.
- You didn't tell her you were turning into an Asian woman: Now she's married to an Asian woman. How is she supposed to explain that to her family?
- When there was this new rule where you had to swim across this lake to vote and you could make it but she couldn't, you just laughed and were like "Haha, you can't vote!": You officially helped rig a sexist election.
- You were Hitler, but on top of that, you didn't answer any of her phone calls: We're not sure which part of that is worse.
- You won the lottery and divorced her and married your 5th-grade teacher in a big wedding in the high school gym: Now your wife is poor and brokenhearted.
- She was at school and hadn't studied for the big test: Not technically your fault, but she blamed you for it anyway.
- A giant tidal wave was coming over the mountains but you were like "Who cares? I love your best friend!" and then you made out with her best friend while she looked for the kids and she couldn't find the youngest and the tidal wave turned into split pea soup and you told her you always hated her split pea soup and that her fly was down: Don't pretend you didn't have that all planned out.
Now that you've been called out for your crimes, you had better get to work on making it up to her. Go!
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.