Hey there, person! Are you still using electricity? We all know electricity makes the earth cry, which is why California recently banned it altogether. If you are one of the heartless few still using electricity to cool your home or charge your phone, here are 10 electricity alternatives. Try them all to become a better human being!
- Buy an electric car so you can burn it for warmth: Those lithium batteries really light up!
- Offer burnt sacrifices to an ancient pagan god so he'll give you mild weather: You won't have to turn on the AC ever again!
- Just die: Problem solved! Just make sure your death with dignity is handled by a trusted healthcare professional.
- Get transferred into the body of a blue alien on a distant planet's moon and then fall in love with one of the locals while learning to live off of the land naturally and then betray the entire human race: No electricity though. Hooray!
- Become Amish: Wait — they use electricity now? Never mind.
- Use your neighbor's electricity: That's socialism!
- Weld four mechanical arms to your body and create the power of the sun in the palm of your hand: If Doc Ock can do it, so can you.
- Get around town in a golden throne carried by servants: Make sure you have an extra servant trailing behind to fan you and feed you grapes.
- Become a very important billionaire or politician: Their electricity usage doesn't count. Life hack!
- Have lots and lots of good intentions because they make you feel really warm inside: Entire cities can be powered by good intentions.
NOT SATIRE: The government can't solve our problems... We must embrace liberty! Young Americans for Liberty (YAL) is fighting back by building a bench of over 250 liberty candidates by the end of 2022.
YAL was founded out of the Students for Ron Paul movement and now serves as the most effective pro-liberty student network in the country. This year, our students have mobilized to knock on doors for pro-liberty candidates and legislation across America. Their work will literally make millions of Americans more free.
Please help us reach our goal!
Chief of Staff
Young Americans for Liberty
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.