Canceling debts is popular! As it turns out, Americans love it when the consequences of their own poor choices are paid for by others. To give the people what they want, Biden has announced plans to cancel these other debts as well:
- All casino debt: Now you'll have more money to spend at the casino!
- Whatever you still owe on your iPhone 13: 72 easy payments of $100? How?!
- The $300,000 you spent to make your Raid: Shadow Legends character look awesome: Americans shouldn't have to work 3 jobs to pay off their level 99 Berserker Armor with custom decals.
- The national debt of Ukraine: Also, Zelensky's brothel debts. It's for democracy.
- All your old Kohl's cash that expired: It's immoral that Kohl's lets their cash expire. We must correct this grave injustice.
- The $12,000 you lost on Bitcoin this year: Dogecoin buyers are out of luck. Sorry.
- Your $458,000 hospital bill just to get your temperature checked: Oh wait--another bill just came in. Add another $1,200.
- All the ticket money Rian Johnson owes Star Wars fans: We are owed reparations.
- All the money you spent on DoorDash during the pandemic: Three grand? You fatty.
- The U.S. national debt: Unfortunately, China might have something to say about that.
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Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.