With so much economic uncertainty in today's world, any hints for financial security are helpful. If you're looking for advice on how to make decisions that will lead to being wealthy, why not go to the best source? Politicians!
The Babylon Bee has consulted with some of the most prominent political leaders to provide you with the following list of sure-fire money tips:
- Barack Obama: Write a new memoir every year.
- Ron Paul: Sell the Ron Paul Harvest Right Freeze Dryer — only $2,999.99!
- Bernie Sanders: Charge exorbitant fees to give speeches on the evils of capitalism.
- Joe Biden: Launder American taxpayer dollars through energy companies in Ukraine.
- George Bush: Launder American taxpayer dollars through energy companies in Iraq.
- John Kerry: Tell everyone the weather will kill them if they don't give you all their money.
- Al Gore: Produce An Even Inconvenient-er Truth to finish out your epic trilogy.
- Lindsey Graham: Step 1, buy stock in a company that makes bombs. Step 2, bomb some stuff.
- Nancy Pelosi: Use your position in Congress as a platform to commit insider trading.
- All other members of Congress: Buy the stocks Nancy Pelosi buys.
If there's anyone you should take financial advice from, it's high-ranking officials in the U.S. government. Choose any of the tips above and watch the money roll in.
NOT SATIRE: With the banking industry in another tailspin, the out-of-control "Federal Reserve", many of you are asking 'When will the madness stop'!
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