PHILADELPHIA, PA — Local college student Brenda Thurgood was overheard whispering, "I'm on the right side of history" while ogling posters of Stalin, Hitler, and Osama Bin Laden plastered on her dorm room wall.
Thurgood was reportedly all tuckered out after spending the day at a pro-Hamas rally and yelling anti-semitic diatribes that hearkened back to historical leaders who she very much respected and who she very much believed were on the right side of history.
"If you read the writings of these great men, you'll see that they make a lot of sense," said the student who is currently enrolled in four Humanities classes, each taught by a self-proclaimed Marxist professor. "It's like they saw everything that was bad with the world — especially America — and had the conviction to do something about it."
Thurgood is not alone in believing to be on the right side of history means to stand next to the guys responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of men, women, and innocent children. Countless other students of higher learning are somehow able to convince themselves that other members of humanity are expendable because of their race or religion.
At publishing time, Brenda Thurgood's roommate, Ricky, had been overheard whispering, "I'm on the right side of history" while ogling posters of the Beer Pong National Championship Team and the Swedish Bikini Team.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
