NEW YORK, NY — All charges of sex trafficking and racketeering against rapper and business mogul Sean "P. Diddy" Combs were formally dropped Thursday after he admitted he was just a knucklehead.
"Look, I can be a bit of a knucklehead at times," Diddy said as he addressed the court. "What can I say? Ope!"
He continued, "So look, my commitment has been from the beginning, to make sure that I'm there for people, to make sure that I get this right. I will say more than anything, many times, I will talk a lot. I will get caught up in the rhetoric. But being there, the impact it made, the difference it made in my life. I learned a lot from sex trafficking. It made me who I am today."
Judge Andrew L. Carter, who presided over the case, was reportedly moved to tears by the emotional statement and briefly consulted with counsel before throwing out the case.
"He makes a compelling argument," Judge Carter told the attorneys. "Does the prosecution object?"
"No, your honor," answered Damien Williams, U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York. "I can be a bit of a knucklehead sometimes, too. He's suffered enough."
Diddy was immediately released and given a formal apology.
"Mr. Combs," Judge Carter began. "The federal government apologizes for any inconvenience your incarceration has caused you. We all can be knuckleheads at times."
According to court transcripts, everyone laughed.
At publishing time, Jeffrey Epstein had been posthumously pardoned after authorities acknowledged that he, too, was a knucklehead.
DOGE is here, and Elon and Vivek will eliminate millions of government positions