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Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 33
Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air

CHICAGO, IL - A fifth-grade teacher at Lincoln Elementary reportedly admonished her classroom on Thursday, asking the kids to please raise their hands...

Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 30
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...

Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 33
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Featured article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 44

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.

Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism - Article image
Media · Sep 4, 2026 · 31
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism

NEW YORK, NY - Interviews conducted with employees of CBS News revealed that Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss was facing internal backlash over allegations ...

Media · Sep 4, 2026 · 31
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism

Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism - Featured article image
NEW YORK, NY - Interviews conducted with employees of CBS News revealed that Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss was facing internal backlash over allegations ...
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 33
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...

Subscriber Headlines

Apple Announces New IPhone Will Exist Entirely In The Cloud

Aug 27, 2026 | T e e j


Democrats Promise To Make Illegal Alien Voting: Safe, Legal And Rare

Aug 30, 2026 | Jesus defeated death so you can live


Spain To Deport Citizens Protesting Illegal Immigration

Sep 3, 2026 | AmirFauda

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Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film - Article image
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
Entertainment · Sep 4, 2026 · 11
Adventurous Connoisseur Samples The Exotic Delicacies Of The Far East At Local Chinese Buffet - Article image
Adventurous Connoisseur Samples The Exotic Delicacies Of The Far East At Local Chinese Buffet
Culture · Sep 3, 2026 · 81
Pete Hegseth Sets Up 'Help Us Buy Missiles' Lemonade Stand - Article image
Pete Hegseth Sets Up 'Help Us Buy Missiles' Lemonade Stand
U.S. · Sep 3, 2026 · 46
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance - Article image
Progressive Church To Allow Mail-In Attendance
Church · Sep 3, 2026 · 68
Sauron Insists He Only Tried To Enslave All Of Middle-Earth Because He Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression - Article image
Sauron Insists He Only Tried To Enslave All Of Middle-Earth Because He Was Suffering From Postpartum Depression
Health · Sep 2, 2026 · 42
Trump Warns Iran Next Truth Social Post Will Include Even More Exclamation Marks - Article image
Trump Warns Iran Next Truth Social Post Will Include Even More Exclamation Marks
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The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 188
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian - Article image
Sports · Sep 3, 2026 · 83
Tiger Woods’ License Suspended After Court Determines He Is Half-Asian

JUPITER, FL - A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asi...
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab - Article image
Politics · Sep 3, 2026 · 58
Sad: Kathy Hochul Tries To Warn People Republicans Will Take Away Women's Rights, But Her Mouth Is Covered By Hijab

NEW YORK, NY - Governor Kathy Hochul desperately tried to warn New Yorkers that Republicans were taking away women's rights, but no one in the room co...
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her - Article image
Celebs · Sep 3, 2026 · 65
Powerful: Gloria Steinem Refuses To Allow Satan To Hold Door To Hell Open For Her

HELL - Feminist icon Gloria Steinem refused to allow Satan to hold the door open for her on the way into hell, in what many are calling her final act ...

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Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam - Article image
Education · Sep 1, 2026 · 77
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam

MEDINA, OH - In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed ever...
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism - Article image
Worldviews · Sep 1, 2026 · 75
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism

HELL - The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the mo...
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner - Article image
Politics · Sep 1, 2026 · 70
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner

U.S. - New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presi...
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok - Article image
U.S. · Sep 2, 2026 · 64
Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok

DANBURY, CT - According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing her mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy ...

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‘Wow, What A Terrible Year!’ Say People Living At The Absolute Peak Of Human Civilization - Article image
World · Dec 31, 2021 · 156
‘Wow, What A Terrible Year!’ Say People Living At The Absolute Peak Of Human Civilization

U.S. - According to sources, thousands of Americans living in the most prosperous, luxurious, plentiful period in the history of the human race think ...
Sunday School Macaroni Crafts Really Preparing Child To Make Faith His Own - Article image
Sunday School Macaroni Crafts Really Preparing Child To Make Faith His Own
Church · Jul 26, 2017 · 9
Man Lying On Couch Covered In Thin Layer Of Cheeto Dust Refers To Favorite Sports Team As 'We' - Article image
Man Lying On Couch Covered In Thin Layer Of Cheeto Dust Refers To Favorite Sports Team As 'We'
Sports · Oct 18, 2019 · 6
Fun New Mobile Game For Anti-Vaxxers Tasks You With Catching All 150 Diseases - Article image
Fun New Mobile Game For Anti-Vaxxers Tasks You With Catching All 150 Diseases
Health · May 21, 2019 · 7
Nation's Liberals Devastated After Learning Hate Crime Didn't Actually Happen - Article image
Nation's Liberals Devastated After Learning Hate Crime Didn't Actually Happen
Politics · Feb 18, 2019 · 15
France Surrenders To Biden - Article image
France Surrenders To Biden
World · Sep 2, 2022 · 61
Due To Inflation, Cost Of Free Speech Rises Sharply To $43 Billion - Article image
Due To Inflation, Cost Of Free Speech Rises Sharply To $43 Billion
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Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 71
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines - Article image
Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See? - Article image
Premium · Aug 18, 2026 · 142
Okay, Subscribers: What Sort Of Premium Content Would You Like To See?

A good morning to you all, our fearless band of intrepid subscribers!

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Thanks To New Laws, VeggieTales Finally Introduces New Cannabis Character - Article image
Thanks To New Laws, VeggieTales Finally Introduces New Cannabis Character
Entertainment · Aug 9, 2018 · 9
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Rachel Levine Is 100% Woman And We Are Sorry For Calling Her A Man - Article image
Rachel Levine Is 100% Woman And We Are Sorry For Calling Her A Man
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Cracker Jack Changes Name To More Politically Correct Caucasian Jack - Article image
Cracker Jack Changes Name To More Politically Correct Caucasian Jack
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