Life
· Sep 8, 2026
· 51
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort
ROME, GA - After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a...
Scripture
· Sep 8, 2026
· 40
Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped
PHILIPPI - According to sources, the disciples at Lydia's house were shocked to see that Paul had returned from prison covered in tattoos and "totally...
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U.S.
· Sep 7, 2026
· 94
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad
U.S. - Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, pro...
Sports
· Sep 6, 2026
· 89
Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Travel Back In Time One Second
ANN ARBOR - In one of the most remarkable technological breakthroughs of the past millennium, scientists at the University of Michigan have successful...
Worldviews
· Sep 7, 2026
· 63
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate
U.S. - Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours ...
Sports
· Sep 6, 2026
· 43
Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation
ANN ARBOR, MI - A highly controversial ending at Michigan Stadium has unfortunately put a slight black eye on the NCAA's otherwise sterling reputation...
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U.S.
· Sep 4, 2026
· 98
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
The Bee Explains
· Sep 2, 2026
· 193
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang
Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Sports
· Sep 4, 2026
· 53
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...
Politics
· Sep 4, 2026
· 70
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance
NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...
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Premium
· Sep 7, 2026
· 84
Happy Labor Day 2026!
Did you know that Labor Day became a federal holiday on June 28, 1894, after being signed into law by President Grover Cleveland? Well, now you do.
Premium
· Aug 31, 2026
· 74
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project
Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Premium
· Aug 27, 2026
· 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed
The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Premium
· Aug 24, 2026
· 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines
Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...
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