CHICAGO, IL—Amid mounting pressure from a coordinated campaign of 12 mentally ill Twitter users, Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf has confirmed the franchise will finally be dropping the offensive word “white” from their name.
“Being a mascot is an honor,” Jerry said. “Unless, of course, your mascot is a Native American. Then it’s a shame. I’m still not sure how all this works. Anyway, we have realized it’s inappropriate to give a place of honor to whiteness in our team’s name. The word 'white' really has no place in modern society, so we have removed it."
According to sources, there was debate over some new names, like the Chicago Stinky Sox or the Chicago Tube Sox. In the end, stakeholders elected to simply shorten it to “Sox.”
At this news, gang leaders across the Windy City laid down their weapons, and all crime and oppression disappeared overnight.
Unfortunately, the name change had no effect on the team’s win to loss ratio.
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